Ladies. And How to Keep Them Happy Over The Festive Period.

Ladies Underpinnings

Let me just say what we're all thinking, "Ooooooh!" Thank-you Kiss Me Deadly.

Yuletide is upon us. 

For chaps this presents the vexed question of what to buy one's Dearly Beloved for a present.

We're not at our best in this area of endeavour. It is safe to say that what you regard as an excellent gift, a cricket bat or an iron for example, might well result in domestic violence on Christmas morning.

Fear not, New Utility is hear to help manhood in its hour of need.

This brings us to the delicate topic of Ladies Underpinnings. Get it right and they make the perfect gift. Nothing is more guaranteed to make the little Fru shower your face with grateful kisses. Get it wrong and you'll be stumbling sheepishly in to some ghastly shop asking for a refund.

In this regard the inter-web is your ally.

Rudolf never knew what hit him...

However, a certain amount of preparation is needed first. Namely, measurements. Ask the half-portion to strip to her undergarments - aside from giving the measurer a pleasing eyeful this aides accurate readings. Measure around the, erm, Upper Leisure Areas* at their fullest point, the natural waist, the hips, and the inside leg. (This last is not vital unless planning a trouser purchase, but it helps not to give the game away too much.) For further assistance see here.

Thus equipped you are ready for the off.

Our unstinting research led to a couple of retro women's lingerie emporia. Kiss Me Deadly produce some really beautiful, but rather blood pressure threatening, under-garments. (As demonstrated here by the lovely Miss Tilda.) For a more strictly vintage silhouette have a look at What Katie Did - they specialise in fantastic 1950's reproduction unmentionables. (Though I have not had a chance to road test the latter...)

Helpfully for us gents they both have size charts against which you can check the aforementioned measurements.

For those leg men amongst you, why not treat your young lady to a pair of seamed stockings? Nothing quite sets off the Lower Leisure Areas as pair of seamed nylons....

This could be you on Christmas morning!

If you are unable to measure the female in question, or are simply too terrified, Kiss Me Deadly do have gift vouchers.

All that remains to add is a warning to not burn the goose - Ladies Underpinnings really are the gift that, ah, keeps on giving. For the sake of propriety we'll leave it at that.

A quick thank-you to the following:

Miss Tilda - general Swedish loveliness.
Mr Oliver Welwood Morrisson Esq - Tweed & nerves.
Kiss Me Deadly - unmentionables.
Christian Louboutin - sensible shoes.

Photography & constant thoughts of The Queen Mother - Mark Larner

See the full shoot here.


*It's worth having a peak at the bra she's wearing to confirm cup size.